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Today, and every day, resolve to love yourself better.

Loving ourselves does not mean we “think we’re so great,” or that we recite empty affirmations about our vague worth or likableness.

True, radical self-love is the practice of slowly and gently changing the way we talk to ourselves, the story we believe about ourselves, the expectations we have of ourselves. We do not have to live with self-aggression to be motivated to change. We do not have to become less of who and what we are in order to be worthy.

True, radical self-love means getting up each day and deciding to see ourselves as the vulnerable, needy, child that we are longing for acceptance, longing for approval, begging for permission. To. Just. Be.

There are many cultural traditions around self-denigration. We confuse humility with low self-worth. We confuse self-sacrificing giving to others with love.

We are not at our best when we don’t feel safe in our inner world. Self-criticism might feel comfortably familiar, but it is not safe. We’ve simply internalized the self-aggression of others and made it our own.

Yet, our young inner selves, now hidden deep in the being of a performative adult, longs for that adult to turn inward, to see her. Really SEE her. Acknowledge her vulnerability. Speak to his fear and his need. Slow down and give space for the truth of their very reasonable longing for compassion, comfort, and protection.

This type of love looks simply like stopping in the middle of the day, placing a hand on your chest, closing your eyes, and saying, “Yes. This work/parenting/event IS scary. Yes. Of course I feel this way. And I can slow down and breathe. I can let you know that you are not bad, no matter what happens. It is ok that the house is a mess. There isn’t enough time to do it all. We are just one doing the best we can.”

By doing this kind of in-the-moment, spot-check, radical self-love, we can, stitch-by-stitch, repair our relationship with ourselves and create the happiness and contentment we have so longed for.

We find that as we trust ourselves more and fear less, we no longer need many of the strategies we tried so hard to beat out of ourselves. We become more of the best of who we are and find that the best of who we are is truly all of who we are.

Today, and every day, resolve to love yourself better.

With love,

Karen